dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
