Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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