I cut my penus on the lid.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
