But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize