Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
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