I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
