I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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