Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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