she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
