i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
