Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
