i already hear my dad disowning me
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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