I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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