Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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