Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
