I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Less talking, more tequila
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
