I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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