Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
