Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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