Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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