"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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