im drinking this country out of the recession.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
