white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize