Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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