The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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