Have you finally orgasmed yet?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
