if i can run in heels then i can drive
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
BRING THE BAGELS
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
