She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
