you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
