he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I've blown a few things in my day
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
