I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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