I look better un-naked...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
