btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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