We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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