I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
