Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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