Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
