Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
