Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
