Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
