I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
