well you can't waste a boner
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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