Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
