I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
