i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
