I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
