i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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