all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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