Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
