is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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