Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
