i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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