My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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