Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Success! We fucked roommates!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
