My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
They have beer where we have blood.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
