While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
