And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
