On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
So squirting runs in the family.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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