JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
