Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
