I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize