My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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