i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
barbara walters just said penis...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
