I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
