He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
