at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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