tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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