see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
