Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
