You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize