yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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